Mommy Dearest
I know it's been a hot minute since I announced that I was going to be starting a blog. Part therapy, part creative, I do hope that I will be able to post more frequently than a couple of times a month. Unfortunately, time is an issue in my life. Blog thoughts don't always come on cue when I sit down to write, nor do I carry a computer around with me 24/7. But I do hope that I can post a little more regular than every two to three weeks. That said......
This week has been a busy one for our family. Mother's Day followed by two birthdays, all on the heels of Teacher Appreciation week has left me a little tired. I've had more sugar in two days than I have in the past two months! Maybe that's why my creative thoughts have been stunted. But I have had some thoughts rattling around in my head that I needed to air out and move on.
Mother's Day is my least favorite holiday of the year. Although its intention is to pay honor and respect to all women (birth mothers or no) that have played a part in the rearing of another human being (Hillary was right on one thing - it DOES take a village to rear a child), to me it feels more like an opportunity to dwell and reflect on all the ways that I don't live up to the all the hype.
Although most people, rightly, acknowledge the pain that Mother's Day causes women who long to be mothers, but can't, it's kind of hard to feel any sympathy toward mothers who have successfully had children, but struggle with the mantle.
My road to motherhood was not as cut and dried as so many others of my acquaintance: I did not always only want to be a mother. In fact, I wanted to be a career woman. I wanted to be a Bosslady with a big job and a big salary and prestige. I grew up fairly poor (another post for another time), and my main goal in life was to never have to live like that again if I could at all help it. I graduated college with two degrees: an undergraduate degree in Advertising and a Master's degree in Business Administration with an emphasis in Marketing. I was well on my way to the life of my dreams. Until I wasn't.
Between my two degrees, I met someone. Someone I cared a lot about. Someone who made me rethink my future values and goals. I am a Mormon. When I met my someone, I was not an active churchgoer. However, when things began to get more serious, I had to answer some pretty tough questions for myself.... Upon struggling with that internal examination, I started going back to church. And he came with me. Ultimately, he ended up joining the LDS faith, and we ended up getting married about a year later.
If anyone knows anything about Mormons, it's that we like to have big families. We believe that there are spirits waiting to gain physical bodies, and that we are following God's commandments by providing them that opportunity within a loving caring environment called the family. Within the family, children are (should be) nurtured and reared to understand that they are children of God, and they are taught to obey His commandments and live a good life so that they can return and live with Him and Jesus Christ one day. These things are taught through things such as daily prayer and scripture study, family home evening, church attendance, etc. Then these children grow up and repeat the cycle. Rinse and repeat.
It sounds so simple. And lovely. Until it isn't. So many families I know seem to have this mold down pat. From first steps to academics to missions to marriages, their kids seem to have it all together and will be off conquering the world. But my family just isn't like that.
I will spare a lot of details, but my foray into parenthood has been the biggest myth buster in my life. Parenting is hard. It's like a never ending oral exam with not so much as a single Cliff Note for a guide! And our children are not your average subjects. In another time and another post, maybe......maybe I'll go into a bit more detail regarding that last sentence. Suffice it to say, my stories are not entirely my own, and I'll have to think very carefully about what I choose to share with the world. But no matter, the better part of our child rearing years have been frustrations and tears and therapists and regrets.
Please make no mistake. I LOVE my children. Fiercely. Individually they are bright, capable, and enjoyable to be around. Collectively they overwhelm and frustrate me. There are two volumes in my home: loud and louder. I can barely remember what day it is, much less to check backpacks and folders and remember who's grounded and for what.
I could spend all day detailing the myriad of things that make me question my life choices on the daily, but I won't. Nobody likes a whiner, and whining doesn't change circumstances. But if nobody likes a whiner, why am I spending all of this time documenting the not-so-Hallmark moments of my life?
Because it is through sharing that we connect. That we learn sympathy. That we broaden our horizons and perspectives. That we grow. That we evolve. That we allow others the relief of knowing that they are not alone.
I mean no disrespect to anyone who has found their life's calling in being a Mom. There is no harder job. Period. But I do hope that we can start a dialogue that allows our children, particularly our daughters, to have choices in their lives.
When Brian and I were married, all we tended to hear was "Live and let the children come." And we bought into that mantra. Hook.Line.Sinker. We were to live on the faith that the Lord will bless us as we multiply and replenish the earth. Well, I believe the Lord bestows blessings on the faithful. But I also believe that He wants us to make educated decisions. Faith, obviously, is a necessary component of any major life decision, but there are equally as valuable other parts to the equation.
Perhaps we should tell people to consider if they have a history of mental illness in their family. I do. It has affected our family life greatly. Perhaps we should recognize the value of an education and the value of learning how to live together as a couple before children are introduced into the family mix. Although it may seem like the perfect irony, we struggled for two years to conceive our first child. I put my husband through HELL those two years because all I wanted was a baby. In hindsight, I wish I had understood how precious that alone time with just us two was. It is a rare treat these days for us to be alone at all. Perhaps we just need to realize that just because God says he won't give us more than we can bear alone that we don't need to test him out on that. Maybe. Just perhaps. Baby steps, lol.
I hope the day will come that I will cherish this role more than I do now. I hope that one day I can truly see the divinity in it. But until that day, I am still just trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I welcome any and all suggestions. Who knows, maybe one day I'll say that all I want to be is a Mother.
***For all women and mothers out there who have inspired, uplifted and challenged me to be and do more......Happy Belated Mother's Day!!!!
This week has been a busy one for our family. Mother's Day followed by two birthdays, all on the heels of Teacher Appreciation week has left me a little tired. I've had more sugar in two days than I have in the past two months! Maybe that's why my creative thoughts have been stunted. But I have had some thoughts rattling around in my head that I needed to air out and move on.
Mother's Day is my least favorite holiday of the year. Although its intention is to pay honor and respect to all women (birth mothers or no) that have played a part in the rearing of another human being (Hillary was right on one thing - it DOES take a village to rear a child), to me it feels more like an opportunity to dwell and reflect on all the ways that I don't live up to the all the hype.
Although most people, rightly, acknowledge the pain that Mother's Day causes women who long to be mothers, but can't, it's kind of hard to feel any sympathy toward mothers who have successfully had children, but struggle with the mantle.
My road to motherhood was not as cut and dried as so many others of my acquaintance: I did not always only want to be a mother. In fact, I wanted to be a career woman. I wanted to be a Bosslady with a big job and a big salary and prestige. I grew up fairly poor (another post for another time), and my main goal in life was to never have to live like that again if I could at all help it. I graduated college with two degrees: an undergraduate degree in Advertising and a Master's degree in Business Administration with an emphasis in Marketing. I was well on my way to the life of my dreams. Until I wasn't.
Between my two degrees, I met someone. Someone I cared a lot about. Someone who made me rethink my future values and goals. I am a Mormon. When I met my someone, I was not an active churchgoer. However, when things began to get more serious, I had to answer some pretty tough questions for myself.... Upon struggling with that internal examination, I started going back to church. And he came with me. Ultimately, he ended up joining the LDS faith, and we ended up getting married about a year later.
If anyone knows anything about Mormons, it's that we like to have big families. We believe that there are spirits waiting to gain physical bodies, and that we are following God's commandments by providing them that opportunity within a loving caring environment called the family. Within the family, children are (should be) nurtured and reared to understand that they are children of God, and they are taught to obey His commandments and live a good life so that they can return and live with Him and Jesus Christ one day. These things are taught through things such as daily prayer and scripture study, family home evening, church attendance, etc. Then these children grow up and repeat the cycle. Rinse and repeat.
It sounds so simple. And lovely. Until it isn't. So many families I know seem to have this mold down pat. From first steps to academics to missions to marriages, their kids seem to have it all together and will be off conquering the world. But my family just isn't like that.
I will spare a lot of details, but my foray into parenthood has been the biggest myth buster in my life. Parenting is hard. It's like a never ending oral exam with not so much as a single Cliff Note for a guide! And our children are not your average subjects. In another time and another post, maybe......maybe I'll go into a bit more detail regarding that last sentence. Suffice it to say, my stories are not entirely my own, and I'll have to think very carefully about what I choose to share with the world. But no matter, the better part of our child rearing years have been frustrations and tears and therapists and regrets.
Please make no mistake. I LOVE my children. Fiercely. Individually they are bright, capable, and enjoyable to be around. Collectively they overwhelm and frustrate me. There are two volumes in my home: loud and louder. I can barely remember what day it is, much less to check backpacks and folders and remember who's grounded and for what.
I could spend all day detailing the myriad of things that make me question my life choices on the daily, but I won't. Nobody likes a whiner, and whining doesn't change circumstances. But if nobody likes a whiner, why am I spending all of this time documenting the not-so-Hallmark moments of my life?
Because it is through sharing that we connect. That we learn sympathy. That we broaden our horizons and perspectives. That we grow. That we evolve. That we allow others the relief of knowing that they are not alone.
I mean no disrespect to anyone who has found their life's calling in being a Mom. There is no harder job. Period. But I do hope that we can start a dialogue that allows our children, particularly our daughters, to have choices in their lives.
When Brian and I were married, all we tended to hear was "Live and let the children come." And we bought into that mantra. Hook.Line.Sinker. We were to live on the faith that the Lord will bless us as we multiply and replenish the earth. Well, I believe the Lord bestows blessings on the faithful. But I also believe that He wants us to make educated decisions. Faith, obviously, is a necessary component of any major life decision, but there are equally as valuable other parts to the equation.
Perhaps we should tell people to consider if they have a history of mental illness in their family. I do. It has affected our family life greatly. Perhaps we should recognize the value of an education and the value of learning how to live together as a couple before children are introduced into the family mix. Although it may seem like the perfect irony, we struggled for two years to conceive our first child. I put my husband through HELL those two years because all I wanted was a baby. In hindsight, I wish I had understood how precious that alone time with just us two was. It is a rare treat these days for us to be alone at all. Perhaps we just need to realize that just because God says he won't give us more than we can bear alone that we don't need to test him out on that. Maybe. Just perhaps. Baby steps, lol.
I hope the day will come that I will cherish this role more than I do now. I hope that one day I can truly see the divinity in it. But until that day, I am still just trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I welcome any and all suggestions. Who knows, maybe one day I'll say that all I want to be is a Mother.
***For all women and mothers out there who have inspired, uplifted and challenged me to be and do more......Happy Belated Mother's Day!!!!
I really enjoy reading your blog and getting to know you better through it! Happy belated Mother's day!
ReplyDelete