How I Went "Completely Outta My Mind"

Just this morning my husband looked at me and said, "You really need to delete your Facebook account.  It only makes you unhappy."  Further, to add insult to injury, he continued by adding, "If you could only realize how many of your conversations start with the phrase 'I was looking through Facebook'..."  Well. Great way to start my morning.  Maybe I should go post that to Facebook.  Or maybe not.

You see, I KNOW that comparison is the thief of joy.  I KNOW that most of what we see as we are developing carpal tunnel in our scrolling thumbs are only the snapshots and snippets of people's very filtered (literally and figuratively) lives.  I KNOW that I can become wrapped up in the number of likes or comments that a post generates (i.e. determine my self worth ) whether it's about growing prize-winning pumpkins or simply about a kid puking in the middle of the night. I also KNOW that I spend a lot of time stressing and editing my comments on other's posts in hopes that I don't come across as abrasive, rude, controversial, etc.  

What I have found, is that much like the photos that people post on social media, I allow myself to filter my thoughts and feelings to reflect (mostly) what I think other people expect me to think and feel.  I am not a controversial person.  I go out of my way to avoid controversy.  You WANT me at your table if you are a waiter/waitress.  I will tip you more just for leaving me alone if you bring me my steak undercooked or forget to change my blue cheese to ranch.  It's just that bad.  

But this is where this blog comes in.  

This year I have tried to challenge myself to live a more authentic, unfiltered life.  Unashamedly.  For.so.many years this has been a huge hang up of mine.  I am always ashamed.  Of my background.  Of my children. Of my teeth. Of my home. Of my weight. Of my anxiety. Whatever.  You give it a name, I have probably been ashamed.  I am hoping this blog lets me address some of those things and effectively remove the shame that I always carry around.  I want to use the voice that I have to address issues on my mind and do so with.out.shame.  Shameless, but with a flair of creativity.

I am a creative person.  Perhaps that's why advertising and marketing seemed like such a natural fit when I was in college.  And I have been given a few opportunities over the years to tap into that creativity and use it.  However, these days I want something that will challenge me a little more than a catchy slogan on the PTO movie night poster or a witty title for a child's science project.  I hope this blog proves to be that creative challenge.

As a stay at home mom, I am alone with my thoughts for the majority of the day.  These thoughts may be thought-provoking, sensitive, controversial or downright banal.  And for most posts, those thoughts will be what I choose to draw inspiration from.  They are mine, and I look forward to sharing them.  My own thoughts.  At least in the moment they are written.  Because, like so many things, thoughts/feelings are fluid.  Just because I believe something today doesn't mean that with the right perspective and knowledge that I am not entitled to change those thoughts tomorrow.  Learning and stretching my mind is a practice I hope to never grow out of.

Given my preceding remarks, that doesn't mean that this blog won't at times be a lifestyle blog.  I do have a life and it is filled with the good, the bad and the ugly most every day.  I hope to be able to share some small parts of all aspects of my life as I try to navigate where this blog is leading me.  It would only seem fitting that after 20 years of marriage and conducting seven extremely different (difficult?) social experiments that these 8 lives show up in an online presence from time to time.

It feels scary but it feels good to finally push through the fear and hit the publish button.  Trying to get to this day has really had me going "Completely Outta My Mind."